


Crushed Velvet and Cigarettes

by dandyandy



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: :), Alternate Universe - Magic, M/M, Multi, for the sake of not spoiling anything, i just don't want to add much right now, jeremy dooley - Freeform, magician jeremy, magician ryan, ryan haywood - Freeform, will update tags as the story goes on, wizard jeremy, wizard ryan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8528773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandyandy/pseuds/dandyandy
Summary: In a world where Mundanes, non-magical folk, are oblivious to the preternatural world around them, it’s Deputy Chief Haywood’s duty to protect and serve his Georgia community even if that means fighting evil itself.





	1. i. salt

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first part of the CVC series! Please enjoy, and share your thoughts! Any criticisms will be gladly accepted.

**i. salt**

 

 

The crunch of fiery red and orange leaves beneath soles of people completely oblivious to the preternatural world around them resonated throughout the city’s sidewalks. It smelled of nothing but sweet pastries and coffee around the mousy-haired man who stood near the entrance of a bookstore, contemplating whether he wanted to muster the energy to step inside. Of course he wanted to just turn around and go home but the officer was on duty; he had to finish the case and put an end to the distress of the bookstore owner. She was a crotchety woman who always seemed to smell like the same disgusting brand of dollar store soap. The calls to the precinct day-in and day-out were endless, and finally the Deputy Chief grew intolerant of them.

An inhale, pause, and then an exhale of bulbous, rolling smoke filled the air around the Chief’s face. Flicking the cherry off the end of the cigarette held so carefree between his finger and thumb, he pinched the life out of it before tossing it into a trash can. Well, it was now or never and whether that gave him even more gray hairs was something he’d tend to on a later time. Now, he had to be professional. It was his duty to keep everyone in Zone 4 happy and safe. After straightening his tie and adjusting his hat he stepped inside.

“Ah! Chief Haywood!” Yup, there was that voice that ground his gears. It wasn’t that she was a bad woman; it was just that after hearing her whining on the phone for what felt like years, it got to be pretty damn annoying.

“I’ve told you, Ms. Bargoda,” the Chief started. “You can call me Ryan.” She nodded and stopped to what Ryan presumed was to recollect herself.

“I’m just worried, Chief. Why would somebody take _that_ many books on _that_ particular subject? They could be making a bomb. Oh, God. I’m going to be the cause of a mass murder. I’m going to be arrested for it, because it was my bookstore-”

“Easy,” Ryan cut her off. She looked like she was going to have an aneurysm with the way  a blood vessel stuck out so prominently in her wrinkled, droopy face. Glancing around the store, his blue eyes wandered to the window that had been shattered. It was a sloppy break-in, that was for sure. A rock the size of a tangerine laid near the corner of the window display surrounded by a shower of shattered glass. Obviously, the crime wasn’t performed by someone with a lot of brains. Turning around, he looked around the store some more before wandering toward the shelf that had been robbed. Ryan crouched down, ignored the way his knees popped rather painfully, and examined the titles before chuckling quietly to himself. Of course. Everything was pointing to his original suspicion, but now he had to find out exactly which kid, or kids, had been dumb enough to shatter such an expensive piece of glass to nab a few books.

“Well?” Ryan inwardly cringed as Ms. Bargoda spoke in that whiny tone of voice again. Standing, the officer turned toward her while removing his handheld transceiver from its pouch. He used it as an excuse to take a step away from the store owner whose eyes he could feel were piercing the cloth on his back. After reporting it to the precinct, the Chief turned to face Ms. Bargoda and her eminently growing expression of worry.

“I’m going to have one of our guys down at the precinct call for the Johnson and Brown boys. They’ve always been all about rockets and science, and wanting to explore the world above our heads. There’s no need to worry, ma’am, I promise you that.” Ryan had slid the transceiver back into its pouch and was now working on scribbling down his findings in the leatherbound notebook he’d produced from a similar pouch. Blue eyes followed the ink trails left behind by the pen’s tip, brows a few hues darker than the mousy-brown mess on his head furrowing lowly in concentration. It took no longer than a few seconds to write but with the bookstore lady’s eyes boring into his very soul it felt like hours.

“Thank you, will you call me when you catch them?”

“Of course.”

“And will I be reimbursed for the cost of the missing books?”

“Yes, that’s what we promised, Ms. Bargoda.”

“And-”

“Ms. Bargoda. Your case is in good hands. We will notify you as soon as we can with as much information as we can collect. For now, I need to meet my squad at the scene of a potential homicide.” Ryan watched the woman as she backed away from her persistence. With an embarrassed nod she collected the ugly ruana that hung from her shoulders and scurried back behind the counter that was adorned with many signs and small chachkies. It was time to go, and Ryan took no time in getting out of the store with no reluctance. The claim he’d given the old woman was a lie, but she’d have kept him in there for far longer than any human being was capable of handling.

It was time for another cigarette, he condluded. Immediately after climbing into the Chevy Tahoe he relaxed into the worn seat of the squad suv, hands almost scrambling for the pack of Marlboros that he’d shoved between the seat and center console. Thank God that that case was closed. Now it was time to go home and take a very long, hot shower and contemplate his reasonings for even taking the case to begin with. It wasn’t that Ryan didn’t like his job. He loved it. He loved every aspect of it from being a role model to the small children who stared at every patch, every badge, that he wore to being given death glares from freshly arrested persons in the back of his squad vehicle. It was just that when people expected their case to be the most important, it got frustrating. The robbery wasn’t the first time Ms. Bargoda had jammed up the precinct’s phone lines, and it most likely wouldn’t be the last.  

As he drove home the guilt began to set in. Ryan tried not to think about how rude he’d been to the store owner, grimacing at the fact that he’d held such a careless attitude. She was just worried about her shop, about the wellbeing of the people who lived around them. If it really was the Johnson and Brown boys, Ryan would surely bring them to her store to help clean up the mess they’d made. Ms. Bargoda would also find a bouquet of flowers at her doorstep and a giftcard to the nearest spa to soothe her worried bones. Of course Ryan couldn’t just pull the money for that out of the funds they were given at the precinct, but a few bucks wouldn’t be missed from his own paycheck. There was no reason for him to behave the way that he did, especially when his morning was rather peaceful.

The sensation of finally sinking into the plush, pillow-top mattress of his bed after a steamy shower was more than satisfactory. The way the fabric clung to his aching back and his creaky hips felt like the equivalent of cuddling with a cloud. Rolling onto his side, Ryan stretched out and let himself relax once more, sleep beginning to overwhelm his body. It had been a busy day; he deserved to sleep. And he was going to, until the shrill ringing of his wall phone in the kitchen interrupted the silence.

“Ugh, fuck off,” he groaned. Ryan sat up and willed his legs to move him off of the bed and toward the kitchen quick enough to pick the phone up off the receiver. With his eyes half-shut he put it to his ear,

“Hello?” Whoever had called did not reply in a manner that Ryan expected. The other line was silent, but when Ryan went to hang up the receiver erupted in a multitude of growls and snarls. It caught him off guard, and when the brunet put the phone to his ear the noises turned into what sounded like pained human sounds. It was disturbing, but because of the events that occurred throughout the day Ryan wasn’t phased by it. He assumed it was the Johnson kids prank calling him, and instead hung up. Ryan was too tired to deal with childish jokes, and so after the mustard yellow phone found its home on the receiver he took no time in returning to his bedroom for much-needed sleep. The bed was waiting as he left it, and after pulling his shirt off the mousy-brown haired man crawled in. He pulled his comforter and assorted blankets up over his shoulders and relaxed again, blue eyes shutting as his breathing slowed considerably. This time, his black and white cat hopped up to join him. He stretched out a hand and smiled as it bumped against him, fingers scratching behind the cat’s ears.

“Hey Albus,” Ryan murmured. He opened an eye to look at the blind cat, chuckling softly as it gazed at him with his cataract-covered eyes. Sure Albus was blind but that didn’t stop the fluff ball from racing and tearing ass through the single-story house. Smiling, Ryan pulled Albus close and exhaled slowly. Everything was warm and comfortable, and it didn’t take long for the Deputy Chief to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

 _Screeeeech!_ It was half past three in the morning when Ryan’s sleep was disrupted by an ear piercing scream. It resonated throughout his brain, and every panicked movement the man made was made out of instinct. His protection ward was going off. The way he sat upright seconds after waking; the way he jumped out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt. Ryan snatched a metal item from his nightstand, the silver of the protection talisman pressing into the pads of his palm. The only reason it would go off was if a magical presence was detected within the vicinity of his house. His blue eyes were wild as they scanned the shadows of his house. It didn’t make sense. A thud was heard over the screaming, but the moment it happened the screeching stopped. His protection wards had failed, and something was in the house.


	2. ii. iron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo! second chapter! this one is way longer. i hope you all enjoy! please leave feedback, as it helps make the future

**ii. iron**

 

Magic was always something spoken about amongst the Mundanes as being fake; just a trick against the mind. An illusion. To have a handle on magic was to call yourself a magician. A magician was an entertainer, a performer. Somebody who lacked any  _ real _ magic at all. They were Mundanes with an ego the size of Jupiter performing basic illusionary tricks. To anyone wise enough, that’s what they were. Just tricks that were meticulously planned out and rehearsed multiple times. An act. It had nothing to do with magic, enchantments, or spells at all. And that’s how the reputation of real magic users had become so bastardized it was nigh impossible to prove that it was any form of magic at all. Levitation? You have stiff wires in your clothes holding you up. Teleportation? Nah, it’s two different people and most of the audience are stooges. It wasn’t until a Mundane had the opportunity to actually see real magic happening before their very eyes was it validated as actually being real. But little did wizards and witches actually reveal their powers in fear of being exposed, for the Mundane reaction would probably not be the best. Keeping the non-magical beings oblivious to the preternatural world around them was far easier than trying to explain why it would be a bad idea to videotape five saucepans and three dinner plates cleaning and drying themselves. They were all extremely careful to keep it on the down-low. Which was why never in his thirty-two years of live in Atlanta, Georgia did Ryan ever meet another wizard accidentally. It just didn’t happen, and even if he had met them, they hadn’t made it clear that they too were magic users. 

But it didn’t explain why the protection ward had gone off, and then was silenced. Even if the intruder was magical they wouldn’t had been able to disable the ward with a simple spell. It was something Ryan himself had created, and something only he knew how to disable. As he crept from his room, the mousy-brown haired man kept all his senses on high alert. The house was completely silent and there was no obvious sign of a break-in. No smells, no unsightly splintered wood, no sounds of breathing. Nothing. Ryan inhaled and decided he’d set for the kitchen. That’s where the thump that silenced the ward had came from, and if the intruder was anywhere, he expected them to be there. As he tread lightly along the hardwood floor, Ryan was careful not to step anywhere that would creak. It took no time at all to reach the kitchen that way, and as he stood to the right of the curved archway he could smell an odor of rotten flesh. It was horrible, overwhelming, but he told himself that whatever it was could be killed. Hopefully. And so he turned the corner, the latin words of an offensive spell on the tip of his tongue.

The sight before him was nothing like he’d expected at all. The smell gave Ryan the vision of a demon or other intelligent haunting but the sight before him was simply horrifying. Before him was a shadowy figure stretched across the far wall of the kitchen. Its body was translucent, the edges of its silhouette not quite there. Every surface it touched was blackened by ash and soot, and the air was filled with particles of darkness. Ryan could feel his heart rate pick up considerably, but as the creature turned to look at him with its huge, crooked smile and blank white orbs, a shudder ran its course through his spine. A diabronx. There was a diabronx in his kitchen, staring at him. 

All preparation for a fight was gone, words forgotten, and when the creature darted towards him Ryan was too slow to even deflect the razor sharp fingers that sliced through his skin. He fell back, hands luckily shooting out behind him to catch the fall. Ryan rolled to the right to avoid another blow, one that would have been fatal as one of the diabronx’s fingers stabbed through the maple hardwood where his head just was. Words seemed to slowly return to him, and the next time the diabronx lunged to slash him, bright blue flames erupted from the center of his palm. The diabronx’s face was ignited and a deafening scream filled the house. It drew away from Ryan before lunging again. It made contact and Ryan was slammed against the wall, the wind knocked from his fleshy body with a sharp grunt. After collecting himself he looked up just in time to see the jaws of the diabronx unhinge before shadowy tendrils similar to the consistency of the beast’s body shot out towards him. They wrapped around his ankles and dragged him close, but Ryan was quicker than them. He cast a slicing spell and watched as it cut through the tendrils, ash being left where they once were. It made the battle considerably harder to manage, the ash being kicked up into the air, but Ryan found that the ash made it easier for him to escape and land blows on the diabronx. With the cloud of ash blinding the creature from seeing Ryan, he darted toward the knife holder that sat on the counter next to the fridge. He grabbed the two longest ones and, after almost taking a swipe from the diabronx straight to the ribs, jumped toward the monster. The beast tried to get at him but Ryan was able to scramble onto the back of the diabronx. Thankfully it was manifesting itself as a solid, because as Ryan raised his arms and forced the blades into the junction of what would be its head and neck, as well as right between what would be its shoulder blades, it collapsed.

Ryan was damn lucky he landed the stabs at exactly the right time, because as he hopped away from the diabronx’s body it began to dissolve into ash and soot. The pile grew larger, and as he watched it, the bruises and scratches that littered his body began to ache something horrible. He was exhausted, and as Ryan went to lean against the wall he let himself slide to the floor. Sweat plastered his mousy-brown hair to his forehead and his shirt to his back. The blood that his heart was forcing through his body seeping quickly from the clean slits in his skin. His head grew fuzzy, and as Ryan tried his best to remember the incantations for healing, he could feel consciousness slipping quickly.

Just as his vision was going dark a bright, soft green light filled the room. Ryan forced himself to stay awake just long enough to see what it is. He feared that it was going to be another creature of the Blackened, but as the considerably shorter male’s form began clearer through the green light, he relaxed. The man emitted nothing but magical energy, and the stress and anxieties of having to potentially defend himself from something that could be even stronger began to disappear.

“I’m going to take you to my home,” the man said as he kneeled in front of Ryan. “All of your protection wards were disabled. There’s nothing keeping any form of magic out of here.” He looked up into the wizard’s brown eyes and nodded, his hands reaching out so the wizard could grab him and teleport them safely. That was one of the hazards of apparating, unfortunately. If an arm or leg was out of place there was a  _ slight _ chance that it could be cut off or forcibly removed. Then again, neither of them were sure if Ryan had the energy to stand on his own anyway. Leaning against the shorter, broader man he closed his eyes and let the wizard do the work in transporting them. The green light illuminated the room again, and in an instant the mousy-brown haired man was surrounded by a comforting warmth. He was being pushed backward and Ryan allowed himself to follow the direction of the other man’s hands. A chair hit the backs of his calves and Ryan sat down instinctively, the chair providing a much-needed relief from standing on his gelatinous legs.

“Shit, it messed you up,” the other wizard breathed. Looking up at him, Ryan took in his appearance. He had a tuft of bright red hair on the top of his head, sideburns and connected beard a dark brown. It was entertaining to watch how the light of the room changed the shade of the red depending on where the wizard stood, but after Ryan realized he was talking to him again he tried to focus again.

“Huh?”

“I need to remove your shirt.” The wizard tugged gently at the bottom hem of his t-shirt as a gesture to what he said. Ryan nodded and lifted his arms a bit, the air from the lack of sweaty fabric on his chest chilling him to the bone. Beneath the shirt was a blossoming blotch of bruises, the skin tinted purple and blue.

“I’m Jeremy, by the way,” the man said as he pressed hands against the bleeding cuts on Ryan’s torso. Ryan winced, but chose to focus his brain energy on the introduction that he was given.

“Ryan. Nice t’ meet you.” Ryan’s words were slurred, the sudden and intense usage of magical energy taking a lot out of him. It had been years since the man had been forced to fire a basketball-sized ball of flame at a creature of the dark. It was like trying to run a ten minute mile after not running for a few months. He was out of shape and rusty, and it had taken a severe toll on his body. After the warmth on his skin had disappeared, Ryan looked down to see that the cuts had scabbed over. It was a lot better than being open and bleeding.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t heal them completely. I’m still learning how to heal. I could have tried, but you look like you’re in no shape to suffer a mistake on my end.” Jeremy’s words were genuine, and when Ryan looked up at him he held the expression of a guilty puppy.

“It’s okay,” Ryan murmured. “At least you didn’t leave me to die and steal my cat.” Jeremy laughed at that, and it made the bruised wizard smile softly. He looked up with sleepy eyes and furrowed his brows a bit before looking around at the room he was in. The walls were adorned with furs and an assortment of magic things. Glass vials hanging by threads of leather, jars full of herbs, quartz, and other materials used for enchantments and spells sitting on cute, ornately carved shelves. It was what a Mundane would imagine when you said the words ‘wizard’s tower,’ and Ryan felt strangely at-home with Jeremy. Perhaps it was his concussive symptoms talking, but Ryan felt safe with Jeremy. It was nice, considering a creature of the Blackened had just forced itself passed his wards and into his kitchen. And the thing didn’t even bother giving him a forewarning before throwing him into the wall. Such a rude move.

Jeremy moved away from Ryan at some point and was now returning with a bowl full of something steaming and salty. He held it out to Ryan who took it curiously, senses a bit wacky but still functional enough to inform him that it was edible and hot. Looking down the older of the two saw that it was a beef stew of some sort, and when Jeremy slid a spoon in next to a rather delectable piece of meat Ryan was more than happy to accept the offer. He picked the spoon up and put said piece into his mouth, an involuntary groan of comfort escaping his lips.

“Good?” 

“Mhm,” Ryan replied. It tasted like heaven. While he usually would have had some form of manners, the wizard took no time in eating it all. It was gone within two minutes, and the feeling of having a full stomach while in pain made it just a little bit more manageable. He was about to ask Jeremy where he was when his question was answered.

“I brought you to my house, by the way. The diabronx was surely there for something other than devouring your energy. I could feel the dark energy coming from all the way down the block and knew that something was wrong,” the red haired man explained. “I felt bad about waiting until you had killed it, but I figured having another magic user in your house at the same time as the diabronx would have been even more stressful.” Jeremy moved toward a table in the center of the room and leaned against it, his brown eyes trained on Ryan as the blue-eyed beauty listened carefully to his words.

“How did it get through my protection wards?” Ryan asked like Jeremy would know the answer.

“I have no idea. They were some damn good ones, though, that’s for sure. I’ve never seen such a ward as your fox skull. It’s impressive.” Jeremy went over and collected the now-empty bowl, setting it on the table before turning to look at Ryan again. This kid seemed to know his stuff. 

“My teacher was the one who saw the diabronx get into your house, though. He said that if I didn’t get you out of there then that thing would have killed you. To be honest, I had jinxed and hexed it the best I could but like I said, I didn’t want to just barge in while you were all adrenaline-high and stuff.” Ryan nodded, letting his shoulders droop tiredly. He looked at the floor before turning his gaze to Jeremy once more.

“Thank you. I’d have bled out if you didn’t come.” Ryan looked down at his torso, the bruises already beginning to heal and shrink up. He yawned, raising a hand to cover his mouth as to not be impolite.

“Oh, uh. I originally didn’t plan on having to house someone, but you could sleep in the guest room if you wanted. Or my room, but my cat might bother you while you’re trying to sleep,” the younger man offered. The other wizard nodded a little bit and gave Jeremy the best smile he could muster.

“That would be great, thanks. You don’t happen to have a shirt or something I could borrow, would you?” Ryan only just realized that he was covered in ash and blood.

“Yeah, probably. We look like the same size so I bet I could find something. Do you want to use the shower? You’re kind of covered in ash.”

“Sure.”

“Alright. It’s upstairs, down the hall, and the last door on your left. The guest room is across from that, and my room is next to the guest room. Feel free to take whichever one you want, okay? My teacher said that I needed to get used to housing injured people and sometimes sacrificing my own comfort for theirs.” Ryan looked at Jeremy with a cocked eyebrow, a small smirk forming as he stood up shakily.

“You talk a lot, you know that?” Ryan teased. Jeremy went quiet, ears turning red as he scuttled toward a door to the left of where he assumed was the doorway to the living room or den. As he walked toward said doorway, Ryan watched Jeremy as he dug through a pile of clothes in what Ryan learned was his laundry room.

“Last door on the left, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll be up in a second.” Jeremy sounded embarrassed and Ryan felt just a small pang of guilt. Of course it disappeared quickly, and he went through the doorway to find the stairs. It wasn’t hard, considering the doorway led to the entryway. From there he found that the stairs were just to the right of the following doorway. Perfectly organized for what seemed like such a small house.

The rest of the house looked like the room that they’d teleported into. It was so cute, ornate wooden sculptures all over. There were bottles littering the floor and the shelves, all filled with questionable liquids. Some were thick, some with glittery. There was one that seemed to be moving. It was so fascinating, and Ryan wondered what sort of other things Jeremy had. The curiosity and urge to explore was erased however as he attempted to climb the stairs. Ryan barely made it up five before he had to stop, clutching a rather dark red, scabbed scratch. It wasn’t bleeding and wasn’t threatening to, but it hurt like a bitch. The only motivation that pushed Ryan through the pain however was the promise of a warm shower, and so with greuling force he made it the rest of the way up. The journey wasn’t finished there, though, because somehow the upstairs of Jeremy’s house seemed to be twice as big as the lower floor. The hallway in front of him stretched for possibly miles, the one to his right even longer. Sure it probably didn’t extend that far, but one could only exaggerate so much, right? Of course. Once Ryan had made it to the bathroom door he pushed it open and let out an audible groan of happiness at the sight before him. The shower was actually a shower head hanging over a claw-footed bathtub. The pipes and metal of the faucet and shower head were gold, as were the feet themselves of the tub. Everything looked like it was expensive, and it was very appealing to the wizard. Ryan took no time in stripping and stepping into the tub. The controls were easy, and the water was hot. Hot enough to melt his skin if he were made out of wax, he thought to himself with a small chuckle. Overall, the day had been very eventful in terms of dealing with Mundies as well as magic users. He’d made a friend, Ryan supposed, and he killed a diabronx. That was pretty badass compared to dealing with old ladies and mischievous children. The tub he was in was also pretty badass compared to his boring built-in one. Perhaps he’d have to buy his own claw foot tub at some point. Or just sell his house and buy one that already had one. Maybe he could convince Jeremy to trade houses with him. Well, maybe not. Especially since the Blackened now knew how to bypass his protection wards. Jeremy probably wouldn’t want his house even despite the cute door with a hemispherical top half. It came with a gate for the front entrance, that was neat. Ryan guessed that the Blackened had no patients for wrought iron gates, though, considering the diabronx had gotten in. Ryan sank lower into the water, toes poking above the surface on the opposite side. His bones were achy and his head was throbbing, but the hot water boiling him to the core felt a lot better than just ‘good’. Closing his eyes he submerged his head to wet his hair, coming back up to the sound of little pitter-patter on the hardwood floor of the bathroom. He turned and peered over the ceramic edge of the tub, the tip of his nose barely visible from an outsider’s view. 

Sitting patiently at the side of the tub was a tortoise shell cat with bright yellow eyes. It was staring at him and when they made eye contact the creature let out a loud purr.

“Hey buddy,” Ryan smiled. He sat up a bit and dried a hand off on a nearby towel, reaching out to the cat. It butted against the palm of his hand, skin still moist, loose fur collecting. Ryan was used to it and pet the cat’s ears, not noticing that the door had been left ajar when the pretty thing pushed its way in. With all of his attention focused on the tortoise shell, Ryan hadn’t realized that a pure black cat with emerald eyes had entered as well. Its paws were tapping at the ceramic near Ryan’s feet before it jumped in, landing straight on the wizard’s pelvis.

“Holy shi-!” He looked at the cat and reached with both hands to grab the thing, thinking it had fell in. Ryan went to pull the cat out to safety before he heard a familiar voice at the door.

“He likes to take baths with me, don’t worry.” If Ryan wasn’t jumpy before, he sure as hell was now as he turned to look at Jeremy standing in the doorway with a big, goofy grin on his face that made the apples of his cheeks puff up in all the right ways. Ryan ignored how the cat pawed at his stomach, instead trying not to show exactly how embarrassed he was that Jeremy was  _ in the bathroom _ and the only thing separating his dick from the younger wizard was the black cat. “Sorry for intruding. I cleaned your clothes and managed to pop back and stuff as much stuff of yours as I could into some suitcases. I tried to catch your cat, too, but he ran into the door before bolting to who knows where.”

“The second shelf of the hallway closet,” Ryan smiled to himself. He looked up at Jeremy and covered himself a little bit more. Right. He was still naked, Ryan had to remind himself. “Thank you for getting my clothes. Were there any more signs of the Blackened there?” Without words Jeremy answered that question. His grimace was very apparent.

“Shit… How many?”

“Two dreigols and three diabronxes. I was planning on going back to get your cat. Who knows that they’d do to him.”

“More like who knows what he’d do to them,” Ryan chuckled. The cat on his abdomen went to move but Ryan pulled him back, using his black pelt to cover as much of him as he could.

“Oh, right. You’re naked. I, uh. I’ll be in the living room downstairs if you need me. Your stuff is in my room on the bed.” Jeremy smiled at Ryan before letting out the smallest of nervous laughs, going to shut the door until it was open just enough so the cats could enter and exit as they pleased.

“Thank you,” Ryan said to the empty- of humans- room, hoping that Jeremy would hear it down the hall. After mentally following his footsteps until Ryan was sure the other wizard was gone, he lifted the black cat off of him before draining the tub. He stepped out and gathered a towel around his waist, taking a look at himself in the mirror. Ryan winced at the image before him. Purple bruises and welts littered his chest and stomach, mostly healed cuts and gashes bright pink against his otherwise porcelain skin. His face looked gaunt, the energy of healing sucking the life out of him. Jeremy’s magic had saved his life but he was seriously suffering now; his body was in overdrive as it worked to replenish the healthy pink to his complexion. 

It didn’t take very long for Ryan to get discouraged by just how exhausted he really looked. The wizard made his way down the hallway, the two cats from before trailing along behind him. Ryan opened the door and smiled at the sight before him. Jeremy, bless his heart, had managed to  _ stuff _ three suitcases with his clothes and what seemed to be blankets. Something inside the wizard grew warm, a smile tugging itself onto Ryan’s lips as he went to the suitcases. Ryan got dressed and moved his things to the guest room, feeling bad for occupying space in Jeremy’s privacy. Of course, if he asked, Ryan would stay in there. Maybe he would even feel a little safer staying with Jeremy, just until he was healed and could properly defend himself again. Besides, how would the other know if he had pulmonary edema all of a sudden if his windways were blocked and he was in the other room? Exactly. Jeremy wouldn’t, and it wasn’t like Ryan  _ wanted _ Jeremy to be able to hear him and keep an eye on him or anything, but it was impossible to tell what would happen to him. After all, he had been scratched by the diabronx that had been able to break into his house. Who knows what the mangled beast was carrying disease-wise. Ryan could drop dead at any given moment, and he didn’t want to be locked in his guest room when it happened. Although it was very unlikely, Ryan still had very serious, very realistic concerns about his health and Jeremy’s accessibility should something happen.

“Oh hey! Good, you found the guest room alright,” a jovial voice spoke behind him. Ryan whipped around, hands splayed in self-defense. He held a very panicked composure, but when Ryan realized it was only Jeremy he relaxed and lowered his hands. They both understood why that entire situation happened, and Jeremy just bowed his head in a form of apology.

“S-Sorry,” Ryan began. He felt bad for scaring Jeremy. “Still a bit jumpy, you know.”

“Yeah, it’s no prob! I get it.” Jeremy held a sincere look, his startled expression melting into that comforting and goofy grin. “I just wanted to see if you’d settled in well. Do you need anything? Blankets? Nourishment?”

“I’m okay,” Ryan nodded, giving Jeremy a smile. He turned and went to adjust a pillow on the bed. His hands were restless and he needed to do something, and so the pillow was his first victim. “I’m pretty pooped, though. M’bones ache like I’m eighty.” Ryan sat on the edge of the bed, pillow hugged to his chest now.

“I could get you some Aleve, if you’d like. I just bought a new bottle the other day.”

“I should be good. Thank you. I just need to sleep, I think. I’ll come get you if anything’s wrong.”

“Okay.” Jeremy looked at Ryan for a bit with an almost expressionless gaze. It would have been, but his brows were furrowed and his lower lip was rolled inward as he chewed it with thought. “Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night, Jeremy.” Ryan watched the younger wizard as he turned and left, shutting the door softly behind him. The bed’s quilted blankets and soft, fluffy pillows called to him now as he laid down, and no sooner than a minute’s time after laying down was Ryan beginning to doze off. It had been an eventful day indeed, but instead of reminiscing Ryan’s brain said ‘no,’ and he fell asleep soundly.


	3. iii. talismann

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whOAH look, y’all. almost a year later my lay ass finally finished another chapter.  
> please leave kudos!
> 
> Q: what do you look forward to with this fic? let me know in a comment!

**iii. talismann**

 

The next morning could only be described as the feeling you get when your body is under too many gravitational forces. Nauseated, dizzy, and numb all at once. Ryan felt awful, and immediately after waking the wizard regretted it deeply. He wished his body would allow him to return to the peaceful unconsciousness of sleep but the man knew that no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn’t work. Sure he could just hex himself back to sleep, but in his condition Ryan would probably hex his nose ten times bigger or something of the sort. It just couldn’t be done, not in the state of being that Ryan was in. He let out a groan and pulled the covers up over his shoulders, burying his face into the pillow he laid on. Inhaling what he thought would be the smell of stale cigarettes, Ryan frowned when he found that the cotton beneath his head smelt of flowers and Downy fabric softener. Furrowing his brows, the wizard opened his blue eyes in confusion before he began to remember exactly where he was and what happened. It explained a lot, especially for why he felt like he’d been stuffed inside a washing machine that had been put on extra-heavy load mode. With a sigh the man tried to sit up. He took it very slowly, but when he erected himself to a full sitting position the nausea and dizziness increased by tenfold.

“God,” Ryan grumbled to himself. Looking around with bleary vision the wizard glanced toward the windows, stretching a hand out before flicking it to the side gently. The curtains that were previously blocking the room from the sun outside moved themselves to allow the light to pour in. While the sudden intensity of sunlight didn’t help his head, it did make Ryan feel a tad better. He never liked how the dark made him feel, and so the sun was making him feel almost energized. Like a solar panel, he thought to himself. The stupid image that popped into his head after that made him chuckle. While it would be beneficial if humans had solar panels, the anatomical design would make them look ridiculous. Though, Ryan could get behind it if it meant that he didn’t have to crouch next to an outlet just to charge his phone.

Shaking his head of the ridiculous thought the wizard willed himself to scoot toward the edge of the bed and plant his feet on the ground. The hardwood was cold but the sensation that travelled through his legs from the temperature difference felt good. Ryan gripped the bedpost near the headboard and pulled himself up into a standing position, the room spinning horribly as he did so. It made him fall back, and once his bum hit the bed again Ryan knew that he wouldn’t be able to walk like he’d hoped he could. Turning to look to the side table Ryan found a few pills and a warm glass of water, bubbles formed on the inside of the glass. Ryan didn’t remember ever getting the glass or the pills. Looking at them closer, he saw that they were Excedrin and let out, quite literally, a moan of happiness. Ryan was pretty keen on identifying painkillers, don’t ask why, and it was satisfying to see a brand that actually helped his migraines on the table before him. The wizard didn’t hesitate before swallowing them down with the stale water. Sure it tasted funny but the promise of pain relief from the medicine he’d just taken overwhelmed the suffering from the weird taste in his mouth. Letting out a sigh the wizard laid back and let his body relax into the mattress, eyes shutting as he hoped to either get a bit more shut-eye or to rest until the meds began to kick in. It didn’t seem like the earlier of the two was going to happen so Ryan relished in the quiet of the room, the only sound being quiet chirps from birds outside and his own breathing. Time seemed to numb his body as he lay there, eyes shut and body and mind in a complete state of relaxation. It didn’t last long, though, as Ryan remembered that he had a job outside of being able to cast spells and make stuff disappear in thin air.

With a frown the wizard sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he swung his legs over to the side. Obviously the pain medicine was working, because while the man was groggy he wasn’t suffering a throbbin’ noggin’. Which was a good thing; Ryan really didn’t need or want a migraine and potential temporary blindness on top of everything else that was happening. It was just startling, how everything that could go wrong in the world did all at the same time. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was destiny. What Ryan knew, though, was that it was annoying. Like, really annoying. Almost as annoying as snagging your favorite sweater on a sticky-outtie-thing and pulling a huge loop of thread loose. At least that was a somewhat solvable problem. You could always just cut the loop of thread and be done with it. This, Ryan’s situation, would need a whole lot more than just a pair of sewing scissors. It would need about fifty-eight rolls of heavy duty duct tape, three dump trucks, and a goat. Maybe. Probably not, but since his house was currently taken up by new residents who, you know, just wanted to devour his energies, it was the least he could do. Now, however, Ryan needed caffeine. That was probably a factor for his migraine, caffeine withdrawal. It happened a lot, and usually it was manageable but Ryan supposed that being thrown against a wall and attacked by a diabronx probably had something to do with the severity this time. Of course he did. It didn’t take a Ph.D in the medical field to figure that out. With a sigh Ryan hoisted himself from the bed, knees wobbly with sleep and exhaustion from the previous events as he made his way to the door. Almost immediately after opening it, though, Ryan swore he could feel his salivary glands working ten times harder to flood his mouth with drool.

The whole hallway smelled like fresh breakfast. To determine exactly what was making the satisfactory smell would take the nose of a bloodhound but Ryan knew that it was definitely food. Sweet, delicious food. Food that would fill his stomach for years. He’d probably go into a food coma if it tasted like how it smelt. Hell, he’d eat himself into a food coma anyways. Ryan hadn’t eaten since the younger wizard, Jeremy, had fed him stew. Sure it was only a few hours ago but to Ryan it felt like years. His stomach was a ravenous beast trapped within the confines of his thoracic cavity, furious for any sort of nutrients. Feeeeed me! it growled at him as the wizard made his way down the hallway, the home seeming to be enormous compared to how Ryan remembered it the night before. Maybe he was just a little lost. Maybe. Was the house really as big as it seemed? Probably not. Jeremy had said that he was learning from a teacher, most likely someone who knew what the hell they were doing with their magic. Perhaps he had been experimenting with those spells that made a tiny place huge. Or was that only in books. It was probably just in books, but Ryan grew curiouser and curiouser as his mind bounced about between thoughts. Eventually the man found the staircase that he presumed led to the downstairs. It did, and as he thanked whatever gods that gave him navigation abilities, the blue-eyed man wandered into the kitchen; the origin of the intoxicating smell that lingered throughout the home.

“Whoah, good morning!” called a voice from the griddle. Jeremy beamed at him like the sun energized his very being.

“I was about to call the morgue. You’ve been asleep long enough to visit Death and come back. Twice.”

“Jesus, really? What time is it?” Ryan was astonished that he wasn’t dead anyways.

“It’s only nine in the morning, but you’ve been asleep for two days. I only really woke you up so you could eat and get hydrated, so maybe that’s my fault. You looked so peaceful, though. Do you feel any better? Any pain? I can get you some meds. Oh! Did you-”

“I’m okay, Jeremy,” Ryan laughed. The man’s rambling was amusing, especially how flustered he seemed to be getting. “I took the ones on my nightstand. The water was stale, but-”

“How can water be stale?”

“It goes flat-”

“Like soda?”

“Yeah. Carbon dioxide from the air interacts with the oxygen in the water and it lowers the pH,” Ryan explained. He watched as Jeremy processed the newfound information and then furrowed his brows.

“Huh. You’re a nerd, Ry,” he laughed. The older of the two smiled and looked around at the cooked food. It looked good, and Ryan felt a pain in his stomach that told him that he needed to eat now or else it would grow claws and crawl out. Jeremy must have either had a telepathic conversation with his stomach or he was drooling, because as soon as the wizard snapped back the younger was grinning brightly at him.

“I’ll get you a plate. You must be starving.” Ryan nodded and went to sit down, rubbing his tummy as it ached for nourishment. It didn’t take Jeremy long before the plate was in front of Ryan. He hesitated before taking the fork and digging in. Ryan didn’t exactly care about manners. The wizard hadn’t had a full meal in nearly three days.

The food disappeared like a magic trick. First it was there, then it was reset gone. Ryan could feel the man’s big brown eyes watching him, but he just grinned and turned around to take the plate to the sink.

“That was really yummy,” Ryan crooned more to himself than to Jeremy. The plate was taken from his hands and floated toward the sink, the water started and bubbles already rising. It began to clean itself and Ryan just wanted for a small second. He tended to forget that magic could do things like that.

“I think we can go to your house now. My teacher said he hadn’t seen any diabronxes. He said the place reeks like sulfur, though. I hope you know how to deep clean,” he laughed. Ryan turned to look at the wizard with a confused look. It was very odd that the shadow creatures would leave so soon. He had expected them to come after him, to hunt him down. If they were really targeting him, he’d be dead by now. Especially if he was bedridden for two days. The creatures would have been able to sense where he was even with all the protection wards that they’d cast together. It was nice to know, though, that he could visit his home and get Albus. If… he was still alive. Ryan frowned and stood up, approaching Jeremy. He looked around before spotting his shoes near the door.

“When could we go? I’d like to check on Albus. I hope he’s still alive,” Ryan spoke solemnly. Jeremy’s expression changed from light and happy to apologetic. The wizard turned toward Jeremy and frowned.

“No, no. Don’t even give me that look. He’s an old cat anyways, Jeremy.” Ryan refused to let the shorter look that sad. Of course he would truly be devastated if Albus was dead, but the wizard knew people who could potentially bring him back. Hell, even he himself could bring the cat back. That was magic he never let others see, though, as necromancy was that of the black magic category. Turning to Jeremy the older wizard gave him a smile and stepped forward to rest a hand on his shoulder.

“We can go whenever you’d like,” Jeremy replied to the aforementioned question. Ryan nodded and clapped him on the back before stepping back to stretch his old bones. “We could leave in a few hours and then get lunch, maybe,” Jeremy suggested. It caught Ryan off guard, but as soon as his stomach, ears, and brain all cooperated to relay the message of food Ryan beamed brightly.

“That sounds nice.”

For the rest of the time between the suggestion and the actual preparation to retrieve his cat, Ryan had thought nonstop about Jeremy. The man had such an intoxicating charisma, and Ryan was weak. A relationship, previous to the diabronx rudely entering his home without an invitation, was the last thing on the wizard’s list. He had everything else to deal with, especially being the deputy chief for a Georgian police department. At the time having a significant other sounded more like a pain; it was another thing to worry about alongside burglaries, drug busts, and other crimes. Now, though, as Ryan found himself unable to return to his cute little Atlanta home, he started to realize what he’d been severely missing while elbow deep in his work life. He didn’t want to be all philosophical and shit thinking that maybe the diabronx’s intrusion and Jeremy’s teacher having him rescue Ryan was some sort of omen, but the thought just wouldn’t leave his mind no matter how hard the wizard tried. Jeremy was a beautiful person, and Ryan could feel himself becoming attracted to him. It was not good. Maybe. It could be, but Ryan chose not to take it as a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while lightly editing this monstrosity i realized that Ryan’s cat is named ALBUS. a coincidence, seeing as i began this fic before Heroes & Halfwits became a thing.
> 
> anyways! there you guys are! will it be another year before i update? will this story even continue? the world will never know.
> 
> tune in next time for another round of “Dandy makes two wizards fall in love while they simultaneous fight shadows that are trying to eat the world”


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